fight

i put up a fight—kicked, screamed and cried. my heart threw up words as my tongue came untied. the blame wasn't mine, so i didn't dare claim it. love came with a price; was this just a payment? my eyes fluttered round and round in vain as if they were butterflies—confused and caged. i grew tired of talking and sick of your silence. so i left, walking out with fists full of defiance.

temple.

pointed fingers, all accusing.
pain that lingers, starts abusing.
i'm the center, i'm at fault.
this isn't what i wanted at all.

i thought the right was what i did,
but surprise, surprise,
i was misled.
oh the days that led to years,
which ended in a married mess.
and now i wish i'd listened to
the fears inside my chest.

maybe all i'm afraid of is me—
a temple full of judges judging me.
All the while, everyone is happy
because I'm happy.
and that's all everyone ever wanted, right?
so there's no need to fight these inward feelings
of wanting to be something with someone someday.
but for now, i'll close my eyes and simply say
goodnight.

this i know.

Sometimes, the most restoring moments of forgiveness are the ones in which the words "I'm sorry" aren't even said.


A terrified breath left my lungs while my tongue went up and down, hitting the roof of my mouth, and the hours and hours of spinning thoughts came spitting out.


"I hate who I am

when I'm without you.

I hate that I walked away

from you.

I hate that I hated

you.

Because

I don't know who I am

when I'm without you.

I don't have any place to go

where I don't see you.

And I don't know what love is

without you."

__________________________________________

Sometimes the most significant moments of acceptance are the ones in which the words "I love you" aren't even said.


A final breath left your lungs as you were hung up and nailed down, bleeding from hands, feet, head, and mouth, and the hours and hours of heartbreaking beatings came teeming out.

Oh, how you suffered and hurt

for me.

Oh, your heart, how it burns

for me.

Oh, how you died and rose

for me.

Oh, your love, how it flows

for me.

And

Oh, how I'll suffer and hurt

for you.

Oh, my heart, how it burns

for you.

Oh, how I'll die and rise

for you.

Oh, my love, how it grows

for you.

Oh, how I'm forgiven and
oh, how I'm loved

because of you.