the next.

a mess of melodies—making noise
inside my ears on both sides
of my head—taking
what tomorrow might have been
and making it something new,
something different.
thoughts, a mess.
fears, a test.
yet, my hope is in the next
bright tomorrow, whether it be
a mess of battles lost, or victories.
sorrows run so often deep, the joys throughout
are what keep
me here on my knees,
so still,
yet so terribly in need
of being a mess
for future glory.

in over my head

Take this shovel from my hand and let it lie broken.
Come fill this hole before all hope is lost in
this heart that seeks pleasure in darkness, not light.
Take my hand, lead my eyes away from this place
that I've chosen to live in, yet deeply despise.

untitled

light blinding,
shadows dark.
i'm drawn to both,
both leave their mark.

two sides, two truths

I fall and fall and fall again, trying
so hard to justify the lack of light under my skin.

He came and died and rose again, denying
himself to justify my lack of life because of sin.

I'm lost and unable to save.

He finds me and my soul awakes.

I'm far from brave.

He gives me grace.

I am in need and weak.
And without his mercy, I'll self-destruct.
I'll break, and lust will overtake my cross-given freedom.

I am satisfied in him when my weakness is known.
His mercy takes away the wreckage that once owned me.
I break, but lust loses flame to burn my blood-stained freedom.

[now i know]

i'm caught in the midst of this beautiful evil
that captivates, yet pains me. its hands stretch out
as if to comfort, but reaching towards it now i feel

no air
left in
my lungs.

why has my heart begun to fold

into
a new and
crude routine?

i'm lost in the midst of this blinding upheaval
that leads, yet undermines me. its words come out
as if to help, but listening closely now i know

the truth
does not
deceive.

my dark heart soon will see and go

into
a new and
truer light.

can't have both

wanting thoughts that aren't so gray,
needing more than wanting to you.

tempted, intrigued,
immersed in youth and blame.
i don't trust you. i don't trust him.
i can't feel him like i feel you.

but restoration isn't yours.
and you don't know my soul.
he, however, will win this war. and i,
though growing more uncertain,
somehow know i'm in his hands.

both i want, both will break me.
neither one i trust completely.

one must fall, and one must reign. yet
any light remaining within is wavering.

back and forth, back and forth
i've gone and keep on going,
knowing what i want is complicating
everything i thought i knew.

emotions slowly overtake my sight of him;
past devotion overwhelms my desire for you.

holy hill

down this holy hill you roll
faster, faster as you go
you don’t know why you’re falling from the Lord.
all this fighting seems in vain
even praying is a game
you don’t know why you’re hiding from the Lord.

through this valley you are walking
talking about how you love the darkness
you don’t want to return to the Lord.
into longings so unsure, you
chase after heart break and pleasure
you just can’t see your need for the Lord.

on that holy hill you stood
crying, crying at the foot
of the one who gives life and restores.
now you spit upon his face
rejecting love, mercy and grace
you are screaming “crucify the Lord!”

going back up to the cross
you will understand the cost
the Lord will rejoice when you come back home.
but even as you stand here in
your pain and pride and ignorance
he still loves you and calls you to his throne.
he still wants you and will bring you home.

what have we

the things that bring us to our knees are the unraveling mysteries—the unsolved realities—that are whispered so softly in our ears, revealing the unexpected truths we fear with every fiber of what we've become. What have we become in this age of wrongs, when rights are protesting the ongoing evil by screaming love in the faces of the deceived and deceivers. We ignore verity and rarely comprehend the hand of our Lord.

moored

I want to be moored to something more than what's set here before my eyes. and never walk away from what makes that something so glorified. and I'll be changed inside and out—saved from the horrors of this world and unspoken doubts that only rebuild what was meant to be broken.

anew

I need a new song to sing,
a brighter fire to feed.

a new place, a different pace, a better way.

to know.

I need a promise, a whole heart, a beat, a new start.
no paper and pen, no lens, just me. here,
rending what I've been told,
surrendering the yesterdays
before all I see turns cold and is torn up,
taken away.

replaced.

plea.

drop the apple, let sin go.

you're saved, 

you're free, 

your fear 

is 

no 

more.

search your soul, feel your need

for grace,

for love,

for reason

to be

made

whole.

open your hands, lose control.

He's here,

you're his,

your life

is yours

no more.