ramble.

fly work love be after never forget me and then there will be a greatness of you of me and everything is still and and and for now i say nothing but my fingers are screaming stop think breathe trust know free because for not to be is now i don't care noble wise weak strong strength for nothing will be lost but found and free and i want to stop writing now but i can't and i have to be here or else i'll never be there spaces too big be better i need life you need a life because of shadow and i'm left alone with nothing comic strip nightmare of everything you are not and i'm so confused but what is not confusing is how i got here stuck like this again same way it happened last time and the time before and the time before i watch carefully with wide eyes staring glaring never prepared for what's at hand my hands are empty reaching far into the night sky search for answers knowing the outcomes multiple choice is not an option i wish i were the only way to let go is to exhale i can't though and i won't i'm not strong enough and i'm just filling the space with empty words empty songs empty religion empty tears empty oceans empty noise empty unnecessary for i am one with two things me and him i hate it i want to jump out i want to reach down and pull out my soul my heart me i'm trapped within my own skin i don't appreciate being told what to do i hate not being the boss of me but at the same time having complete control i don't want to be hurt and i don't want to sound absurd it's easier just to hold it all inside and say goodbye to all the things that make me happy i speak with lies and see untruth i always want to find myself but can't imagine what it's like to believe without my selfishness i wish i could write something meaningful right now but nothing is making sense and i'm so frustrated because i can't even breathe without regretting something my life is a regret and rest and think awhile then breathe and want and live all the while i'm thinking how i should have spoken up or how i should have held my tongue i don't make sense so just deal with it it's okay i don't care but i still do care and want what i've wanted all along all alone just me by me by me and talking doesn't solve anything